Guardian Angel. Again, this is the moment when I missed you more than ever.

Do you still hear for the aero plane sound? 

Sorry for writing here instead of writing to you.

There's so much I can't tell you. Couldn't bear for you to get worried for me.

I always think that if you were right here things wouldn't get so bad for me.

Because I know with you around I could be as strong as ever.

6 more years to wait. & Idk how long can I hold on. 

I rmb telling you I will be happy.

All the things I'm afraid I will face once I'm out, happened.

All the fears I had before I released came.

But I know that whatever I'm facing, you will be there with me. 

Miss you always, my dearest angel.

After so long, things always seems like gg round the circle. 

Everything that got by came round again.

Mistakes I told myself I will nv do yet I fall again.

Sometimes things are uncontrollable. You tried to pull back, but you got deeper.

But I know, this time I will not be weak.

I fell, I failed, I break down, I give up, 

But I know somedays, at some point I will have to stand up again.

   Hah. Self talk can be tiring. Telling myself all this too much makes me feel like I'm just trying to self comfort myself. The point when that's the only thing that could make you better.

A lot of times I'm lucky that I got round & catch myself before I fall.

Too afraid of getting hurt. I don't put my feelings down for the bet.

So I always pull myself out once I feel something too much for me to hold.

But this time.. I feel like I'm holding myself back from the thought of giving up.

Yes, I've always been finding someone who could be there for me. 

But, maybe this time, just this time, that i will bet with it.

Maybe I will hold on & try to do my best as long as I could.

Thou I know I'm not strong enough. But I hope.

Too much things happened since my release.

Too much attack too much hurt.

How long more could I hold on before I collapse again, idk..

Think back to the times I had before.

Seriously, I'm afraid. Afraid of the pain. Afraid of the things I did to myself.

I have to learn to protect myself now. But it ain't easy for me.

Still the same sentence for me,

Cross my fingers & I hoped to die. 

Dearest brother, I miss you. How fucking much I hope you could be here this time. To go thru everything with me. Fuck then hell out of you. 

Suddenly I realize that we have never solve the probs before. It's been there all along. Looking back at my older post. I rmb I'm gg thru the same thing again and again. Don't know if I should laugh at myself not. But, I'm seriously fucking tired. I keep trying so damn hard to be strong, to carry on don't give up. But you just keep on pressuring me making me feel that I'm always not good enough, pushing me to the wrong side of road. Yes, I can see you're tying to give me what I want. I appreciate. But do you realize what I really need? Or are you just giving me what you THINK I need? I did told you before. But maybe is what you can't give. Idk I'm angry with you hurting me, or I'm angry with myself for letting you continue to hurt me, I cannot don't be affected by you. That's what I hate the most. Because I made efforts to let you into my life. I wanted to take the chance to change the r/s of this family. Please understand that whatever I'm doing & had done is because of how this family had affect me to be. 

I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes. But those are just a long lost memory of mine.

I spent so many years learning how to survive.

Sometimes, I'm tired. Tired not doing good enough. 

I keep trying and trying to be strong. 

I don't know how long it can keep me going. 

Please let me feel appreciated..

Out of a sudden felt so sad and lonely. 

Scared of loneliness. I miss my Kuku so muchhhhh~~

So much so much of stress. Not knowing how much longer can I hold on.

Take me away please.

I'm damn grateful to have you with me. Every little things that you did, every touching feeling you gave i keep it in heart. (: i love you and the feeling just comes like thunder. Being with you makes me feel like a pampered lil girl, and i found the feeling which i havent feel for years! Thanks! Hehe. Muacks! You know how much i love you, dot you??? Everytime we kiss, i swear i can fly!~ and only you could make me feel this way.

Yeaaaah!~ Finally I'm free from that pushcart job! HAHA.

Waiting for my pay to be transfer then I'm telling that bastard I QUIT!

Sot, deduct 20 percent CPF my pay left 850 only siah! Comm only 3 percent!

The money also not enough for the food i eat one month loh!

Somemore ownself bad mood then anyhow shout around like we owe you like that. -,-

The worst is that he damn dont want face can. Infront of so many ppl still can anyhow touch me.

Never sue you molest alr very good liao hur! Uhhh.

 Ohyaohya! Recently then I know my Sweetiepie is a crybaby oh! HAHA.

Surprised her on her bday and she really cried! Kuku hur!

HAHA. I LOVE MY SWEETIEPIE!~

And I always laugh like an idiot when I think of the times we had before.

Why are we so cuteeeeee?!
 Next is Xinyi bday liao! fINALLY GET TO SEE MY BAOBEH DI!

Why so many April babies hur?! HAHA.
Finally, my les de bday come le! Lol.
Les have been staying at my house for around 1 month alr. Now finding a room to rent tgt.
Before next week moving out le. Hope everything goes well yea!
And yeah, thanks les for companying me. Well, the both of us have the same problems and
we'll help each other to get by every small and big things alright.
&&& it's quite a good idea to have you control on my spending and I control yours! HAHA!

 Better look after yourself ah! Must CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL!
Xinku for 1 month plus then ok liao! JIAYOU Les!~