You can't change the facts, just come in terms with it.

After so long, things always seems like gg round the circle. 

Everything that got by came round again.

Mistakes I told myself I will nv do yet I fall again.

Sometimes things are uncontrollable. You tried to pull back, but you got deeper.

But I know, this time I will not be weak.

I fell, I failed, I break down, I give up, 

But I know somedays, at some point I will have to stand up again.

   Hah. Self talk can be tiring. Telling myself all this too much makes me feel like I'm just trying to self comfort myself. The point when that's the only thing that could make you better.

A lot of times I'm lucky that I got round & catch myself before I fall.

Too afraid of getting hurt. I don't put my feelings down for the bet.

So I always pull myself out once I feel something too much for me to hold.

But this time.. I feel like I'm holding myself back from the thought of giving up.

Yes, I've always been finding someone who could be there for me. 

But, maybe this time, just this time, that i will bet with it.

Maybe I will hold on & try to do my best as long as I could.

Thou I know I'm not strong enough. But I hope.

Too much things happened since my release.

Too much attack too much hurt.

How long more could I hold on before I collapse again, idk..

Think back to the times I had before.

Seriously, I'm afraid. Afraid of the pain. Afraid of the things I did to myself.

I have to learn to protect myself now. But it ain't easy for me.

Still the same sentence for me,

Cross my fingers & I hoped to die. 

Dearest brother, I miss you. How fucking much I hope you could be here this time. To go thru everything with me. Fuck then hell out of you.